His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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