Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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