some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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