FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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