mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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