idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my being single is dangerous.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
