just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
