I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
