With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
