Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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