I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
