if i can run in heels then i can drive
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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