actually, I'm a sock model
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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