All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
