My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
