Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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