matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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