i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
