a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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