Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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