you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
