I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
