Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
