i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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