On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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