Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
