the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
