DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
