Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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