We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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