Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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