either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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