Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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