i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
