So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
