Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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