were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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