My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
