Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
