Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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