ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
