you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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