Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
