The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
