I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
