Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
