puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
