Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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