The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
