Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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