I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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