see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
