It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
