when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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