make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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