tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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