Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
