I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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