After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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