Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
