So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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