after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
