i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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