wrigley field is MILF paradise
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
