I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
