Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
