your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
