Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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