So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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