capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
